So, the weekend. As much as I love weekends, I was a little nervous about this one, what with my new hetox underway and all. Rational sober me is just fine and dandy with my decision, but once you get a little of the moonshine in me, well…heartloins tend to take over. But! I did behave. Well, I mean, within reason. OK fine! I exchanged numbers with a dreamy tattoo artist that I’ve had a mini-crush on for a while, but it was harmless. And who’s to say I can’t pursue something with him at some point down the road? But that’s the thing. I know deep down that I shouldn’t - he has trouble written all over him. So anyways, I’m working hard on resisting temptations and hopefully in the process will be able to redefine what I find attractive.
Old habits do indeed die hard though, and this reconditioning is definitely not going to happen overnight! Almost my entire life has been spent swooning over guys, so I’m going to have to be patient with myself and not beat myself up if I have minor slip-ups. I think the first important step was actually realizing that this was a bigger problem than I initially thought. I kept assuming I just wasn’t meeting the right guys, and never thought that maybe I was just never ready. Also, I think I need to set out some boundaries or rules for this hetox. Should I rule out any and all physical contact? No dates, even coffee? I guess at this point it's probably safer to just rule out any and everything. I don't know if I have the discipline at this stage to start bending the rules. Although I did manage to tell one potential suitor that I was on a mancation - it was actually easier to discuss than I thought! Perhaps it's like a pendulum of sorts - you go from one extreme (total liberty with men) to another (this 6-month hiatus), and hopefully I'll settle somewhere in the middle (sane, functional loving relationship). Sigh. This is tricky...
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